…but I did vow to blog like it’s shark week.
Anyway, one thing I was thinking about is how the National Geographic Channel has started calling itself “Nat Geo” (or so I hear–I don’t get cable, and “Nat Geo” is not on the cable package that they have in the break room at my place of employment…I think it might be a Supreme channel or whatever the f-word it’s called these days. Premium, I mean. Sorry, I was mixing cable up with pizza.). Nat Geo? What up with that, National Geographic? That’s a rhetorical question. I know what up with that. I know exactly what up with that!! “Nat Geo” is an attempt to lively up yourself. I get it. I even appreciate it. And good try, and all, but not good enough. Y’all shoulda gone with “Natty G!” (exclamation point included). “Nat Geo” is kinda hard to say, and it reminds me of the way my parents refer to American Idol simply as “Idol.” It sounds contrived, whereas “Natty G!” sounds like something your homeboys call you (I’m guessing your homeboys are, like, The Discovery Channel and PBS, huh? Which brings me to another idea: how about just sticking with the %*##@? script and calling yourselves “National Geographic.” Don’t worry, we won’t confuse “the Channel” with the magazine when we see you on the %*##@? television!).
Speaking of name changes, how about this Adam Jones guy? He was going by “Pacman” forever–and seriously, could there be a cooler name than Pacman Jones…other than Ron Mexico–and now suddenly it’s “Adam.” Look, I know you need to change your image, but you’re going the wrong way. Adam is a step back. You’re trying to escape the past, and Adam is, like, as far back as names get, not just for you on a personal level, but for all of humankind. When The Apostle Paul had his Road to Damascus thing, he didn’t go back to an older name, he moved forward with an all new name. That’s the way you should go. I recommend NatGeo Jones.
In semi-unrelated news, Carl’s Jr., why is the apostrophe-ess after “Carl” and not “Jr.”? And what was that mess y’all spread on the Sirloin Burger? Horseradish? Whatever it was, if I’d known it was gonna be on there, I would’ve opted for any other food in the universe, because that was the worst tasting thing ever. Seriously, I can’t remember ever being so thoroughly disgusted by the way something tastes. Gross, gross, gross. Not just kind of bad. I gagged after taking a bite of y’all’s fancy hamburger (Fancy Hamburger would be a good name for a fast-food place. Or a band. But probably not a defensive back, or an educational cable network.).
In conclusion, I shall henceforth be known as Sir Loinburger.
5 Comments
This post was not a waste of my time. If for no other reason than the fact that it ends with the word, “Loinburger.”
Yeah, I guess it paid off in the end, but by that point, it already had the title.
Loinburger out!
I love that, with the last comment, you’ve merged your new name with your parents’ love of “Idol.”
And Carl’s Jr. is gross! (I can’t believe you, Sir Loinburger, didn’t know that already.)
Is shark week over?
Ah! I forgot how every week is shark week! I’ll get on it.
PS, I had a regular C’s Jr. burger before, and it tasted like a poor man’s BK. But that fancy deal was nasty.
Seriously, I’ve been missing shark week, but if it took me 14 days to comment, I have no right to complain! (But I did read this post when you actually posted it.)
PS, Yeah, you’re right about the regular burger. It’s been a really long time since I had one, but I remember it not being “good” but not being “disgusting” either. (The Aspermont Hardee’s turned into the Aspermont C’s Jr. when I was in high school.) Then I got something fancy or another and was grossed out enough not to eat there again.